Home is Where the Heart Is
by Crying Butterfly
Summary: Paine wants to leave the Gullwings, yet its the only home she's really felt she's wanted in. Her past unravels, as she tries to choose between her future, her lover, her friends, and the one person that could stand in the way.[Swearing, suicide, homicide]
1. The Past is Revealed

Well, Paine is finding herself torn apart. She wants to leave the Gullwings, yet she doesn't. A bit of her past is revealed in this chapter, and what she has been searching for. Not much dialogue, and the others don't really play a part.  
Yuna-Hey! I'm the one in the spotlight!  
Me-Shut up, Yuna. Go cry over Tidus.  
Rikku-What about me? I wanna be in it too!  
Me-Oh God....My headache's coming back....Anyway, next chapter should be longer.  
Walks away with Yuna yelling at her, and Rikku whining 

* * *

I stared at the sphere. The glowing of it hypnotized my eyes. The purple hue glistened. This was my prized posession. This....This was what I had lived all those long and lonely years for. This one sphere, yet now that I had it, I felt dead. Incomplete still. When I saw it half buried in the shadowed soil, my heart jumped. It fluttered, and I felt nauseated. Did I really want to find it? Life wasn't so bad. I had friends now. I had a home. I place I felt wanted, needed even. Yuna has been there for me....She has been the sympathy I've needed for a while. Rikku, well, in a sense, she's what I've always wanted to be, yet what I've never wanted to be. She's always so cheerful, so girly, yet extremely annoying. Shinra....Well, there wasn't much to say about the kid. He was smart, cute, yet so hard working.

Buddy is friendly, always there to help a friend, not to mention a pretty average guy. Brother was the odd one I'm still not sure I'll miss. Considering he's Rikku's brother and is helplessly in love with Yuna, though if I look past the incest he had brewing inside him, he's a nice guy, I guess. Barkeep, though you can bearly understand him always knows what you need, whether it's rest, items, or just a nice cold beer. Ah, I could use one right now. Help me decide whether I'll leave the Gullwings, probably kill myself, or at least spend the rest of my life fighting, or stay, have a family, a home, a job in a sense. I could either keep everything, or lose it all.

"Barkeep, load me up." He looked at me with sad eyes, pushed a cold beer my way. I twisted off the cap and turned around on the stool. They all looked at me like that. Like I was a small beaten child. A pathetic soul. I hated that. They tried to see into me, yet they only saw right through. They saw a fraction of me, and that was it. They saw my cynical, sarcastic outlook on life. They knew that part of me, the only fraction of me I'd show, yet they never realized some things. I'm only human. I could cry, and I could hurt....Yet I wouldn't let that happen. No, not now. After 16 years of not crying, of not letting people know that I had a soft side, I wasn't about to lose it.

I took a short swig of beer. The cold liquid soothed yet stung my throat. It felt good. You could usually find me here, at the bar, or polishing my sword. My pride and joy. No one knew why I loved my sword. They asked, yet I never bothered to answer. I'd look at my reflection in the sword, and when I knew they weren't looking, a tear would fall, and I'd quickly polish it away. Tears were for someone that needed the past, that needed things, I only needed my sword, a few gil, and I was set. That's how I had looked at it a few years ago, anyway. After living in the Celsius, I'm not sure I'd ever be the same again.

My outlook has changed drastically, and I owe it all to them. The inhabitants of this ship. The people that say they love me, yet I know the truth. Pain was love, though I didn't want to break it to them. I guess each of them felt it in their own way. Brother knew Yuna's love would never be returned, Yuna was probably never going to find Tidus, and Rikku, well....I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore. I take another swig of beer, almost done this bottle. Maybe I should get drunk tonight, that way I could leave easily. No tears, no pain, just stumbling around with my belongings and my sword. I'm sure there would be some physical pain considering how poor my eye sight would be, but that wouldn't matter. I'd be gone, and it'd be over with. But God, think of the hang over I'd have. I don't feel like getting really pissed again, hurts too much later.

I turn back around, and stare at the sphere that I'd placed on the bar. I hand Barkeep the empty bottle, and stare fixedly at the sphere. Should I play it? Should I watch it? See what's on it? I know it's the sphere. It was where I was told it'd be, it was the same colour, it had to be. I couldn't have come this far for a fake, piece of junk, sphere. I checked to see if the others were sleeping. They were. I quietly walk to the elevator and tap into the computer that I want to go to the bridge. It shifts, and in around 10 seconds the doors open and I walk out. Shinra would kill me if he found out I was on his 'precious' computer. I slide the sphere into the machine, and I turn the volume low. The screen becomes fuzzy, my heart is rapping against my chest.

_ Sphere starts to play _

"Mommy, Daddy? Don't leave me! Please!"

"Paine, please don't do this to us. We don't want to, but we have to...."

"No! Please just stay with me!" Paine's father touches her long hair, gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"Honey, we'll come back for you, I swear." Her mother also comes over, hugs her, and kisses her tears away.

"Paine, you won't understand, but you will someday." She whispers into Paine's ear, being tugged back by a guard.  
"No whisperin' lady." Her mother and father being held by guards, looking at Paine.

"We'll come back, sweetheart." The guards pushed them forewards with their guns. Finally, a scream comes, and two shots are heard. Paine's eyes enlarge, and she falls to the ground by her father's sword. The tears are being ushered out, the sobs just etching into the sphere's recorder. Paine takes her father's sword, barely able to lift it, and cuts off her long flowing hair. She leaves so little left, and looks at the guard that's recording her. She glares. She gets up, and walks towards him with the sword. There's a large swipe, a gutteral grunt, and the recorder goes dead.

_ Sphere ends here _

I can't hold it back anymore. This was what I had buried 16 years ago when I was three. I had grown up when I should have been a child. My first time killing someone....It wasn't my fault. The bastard and his cult killed my parents. They wrecked my life, along with many other little children's. How dare they do that to me, wreck my fucking life. They were going to pay, and I did so. I killed the recorder, I killed the two that had shot my parents, I killed their friends, and so on, until now....I'm about to find out who it was that controlled them all. I put in a smaller sphere, a rare recording sphere. My hand is green from the glow. I take out the other sphere, and put the other in. I stole this from the recorder....

_ Sphere starts to play _

"Ma'am, we're all here and accounted for."  
"Good, very good. Now, your next mission is to find those two spies and kill them! They're daughter is a pretty one, keep her, I might need her someday."  
"Yes ma'am! Move out!"

_ Sphere ends here _

My jaw drops, I utter a gasp. I can't believe this....She could not be the leader....

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Disclaimer: I am NOT the owner of these characters, only the story line, blah blah blah, yeah.  
  



	2. Vengeance is Stated

Yes, I'm sorry it's so short. Not much I could do in this chapter without going way too fast. This is only one night that these 2 chapters cover, so hopefully I can get at least 8 more chapters in. If I'm going too fast, tell me!  
Yuna-Finally! I'm in the story! I have dialogue!  
Me-Oh, God damnit, do you ever shut up? The world doesn't revolve around you!  
Yuna-Well I saved Spira!  
Me-What do you want, a medal?  
Yuna-I have one already!  
Me-shakes her head and walks away

* * *

I felt hot tears starting to sting my eyes. The deception, the betrayel....How could she? Who the fuck did she think she was? Like she could do that to my parents....Our parents....My own fucking sister. What a bitch. I look at my father's sword. How could I slay my own sister with my father's sword. How....There was no way I could. How was I going to tell Yuna, Rikku, all of them....I would have to start at the beginning, and I don't think I could peel that much away. I had hardened myself. I'd be killing myself with each secret told. I couldn't....They already knew about the Crimson Squad, they didn't have to know this.

I replayed the sphere. I was aware of the hot, salty tears sliding down my pale cheeks. I was aware my crimson eyes were crying....If I could cry blood, I would. I would cry blood for my parents, my friends, even my beloved sister that had my parents killed. Maybe by then I would have lost enough blood, enough not to be saved so I could die with everyone at peace. No need to worry about good ol' Paine. No need to worry that she was dying inside because she was stupid enough to chase her past. I couldn't believe it. 16 years gone to Hell....

I hear some stirring. I turn around, and I see Yuna standing there, her mouth hanging open. I narrow my eyes, and she shuts her mouth quickly. "How much did you see Yuna?"

"None....None of it Paine." I wiped my tears away.

"Don't lie to me, Yuna. I can see right through you."

"I....I followed you after you left the bar to see how you were. You didn't look too good."  
"When do I ever? Look, you weren't supposed to see any of that."  
"Paine....Why didn't you just tell us?"

"Because....Now again, how much did you see?" She stared at me as if she didn't know me. "How much did you fucking see?"

"I saw the first sphere, but I didn't want to see anymore after that, so I turned away, eyes closed and ears covered. I didn't want to know anymore."

"So you don't know who killed my parents?"

"Not the foggiest."

"Good." I took the smaller sphere out of the computer and started to walk towards the elevator.

"Paine! Come back!" I kept walking. She knew too much. The fucking spy. She didn't have to follow me. How the fuck was I supposed to forgive her now? How the fuck could I live with her now. How? I tap into the computer I want to go to the cabin. Shortly after walking through the doors, I walk to the bar.

"Barkeep, load me up, multiple." He looks at me tiredly, and gives me five shots of hard liquor. I take one after the other. I stagger away from the bar, and go back to the elevator. I finally get to the deck after having to tap it in repeatedly because of spelling mistakes. God, what the fuck did I just do. I staggere across the deck, the wind is soft and gentle, like a mother's hands. I trip and fall. I land on my ass, and look around. The soothing wind holds me as I burst out crying. I start to hit my fist against the deck, screaming out obsenities.

"Why the fuck did you do this? My fucking beloved sister....You abandoned our family and then plotted to kill our own parents! They weren't fucking spies, they were our parents! Regardless if that's what their job was! You fucking bitch! You traitor! I swear I'll kill you for this! I fucking swear by it! Hear you me, Lulu, I will fucking kill you!" Lulu hadn't told anyone we were sisters. We didn't look alike, except for our eyes. I don't care if she was pregnant. Wakka was losing a wife, and her baby won't have a mother. Just as I had to grow up.

I finally felt the wind become a bit cold, and I felt like I was going to die. I breathe in heavily, trying to catch my breath. It feels as if everything is caving in. I lay on the Celsius' deck, and look up. Everything starts to get out of focus, and the world turns black.

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Disclaimer: For the millionth time, I am NOT the owner of any of this, only the story line, yeah yeah yeah. 


	3. Forgotten with a Shattered Past

Well, this chapter could be longer, or shorter, I have no idea. Hrm....In this one we introduce our beloved Baralai. I still have no idea whether I'll keep him involved, romantically if so. Though it just might screw up our ending ,because remember, this isn't a romance story!  
Yuna-What? Romance is the best.  
Me-Like hell it is!  
Yuna-And when am I going to get a bigger part. Will I find Tidus in this?  
Me-That involves liking you, so no. Ahahaha, I'm so evil.  
Rikku-You made me cry, you meanie!  
Me-I know, I know.....Hehehe.

* * *

I open my eyes. Ow. Fuck, I hate the sun. I roll over to my stomach, and push myself up. I fall back down, and I begin to crawl towards the decks elevator. Finally, I'm sure I have enough strength. I get to my feet, tapping in that I want to go the cabin, and I clutch the side of the elevator. I think I'm going to throw up. My head is pounding....What the fuck did I do last night....Why the fuck did I get so pissed? What was wrong with me. I swore vengeance to....Who was it damnit....I put my hand into my pocket, but only come out with the purple sphere. What the fuck? Where'd the other go? I need that! I have no idea who killed my parents....God I'm a fucking idiot!

"Barkeep!"

"Yesh Paine?"

"Coffee, black, with tylenol." He hurries off. He knows I'm in fucking pain. I turn to see Rikku staring at me.

"God Paine, what'd you do to yourself?"

"Rikku....Watch it...."

"Sorry! Sorry, but really....How pissed did you get?"

"Five shot ofsh licore, Reeku" Barkeep said, bringing me what I had demanded.

"Barkeep, shut your damn mouth." I growled. He stares at me defiantly, and goes back to wiping clean the glasses. Rikku walks over and sits on the stool beside me.

"Paine.... What's wrong with you. Who pissed you off this time?"

"Rikku.... Whatever. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"I'm only..."

"Rikku! Back the fuck off and leave me alone!" I see tears start to well up. She shuts her eyes and tries to stop them.

"Paine, you think it's easy being me?"

"No.... The stupidity and idiocy must be hard work."

"You know nothing of my past, nothing at all!"

"Did I ever ask to?"

"Paine, just fuck off. You don't know what my father did to me!"

"Rikku, I'm sorry, now go annoy someone else, okay? Or maybe strut around in your barely there outfits, you'll get something. Buy some candy, do something, just leave me the hell alone." Rikku stares at me with tears running down her face. I know exactly what her father used to do to her. He beat her, he loved her, maybe too much of both. I can see where Brother got his incest. Sad....Pathetic....I've always wanted to kick his ass for doing that to Rikku, yet I just did the same thing. She gets up from the stool and runs. Probably to find Yuna. In a few minutes, I'll have her breathing down my neck. God damnit. I couldn't leave well enough alone, but I told her to fucking back off!

Barkeep looks at me. "What are you looking at?"

"Shomeone who I shink will feel remorshe for what she jusht shaid to Reeku"

"And what do you know?"

"More than yoo think I doo." I look away from him. He knew what he was talking about. He might be Hypello, but he wasn't stupid. Oh well....Now about that sphere. Who the fuck was it? I still can't remember. God damnit....Yuna walks in and sits beside me.

"Oh God...."

"Paine, I think you should be more nice to Rikku."

"Why?"

"She's had a hard life."

"Right, and you say that to me after spying on me and seeing my past? You know how it was Yuna."

"I know Paine, I know...."

"No....You don't."

"Look, can't you just back off on Rikku? Leave her outfits alone."

"Well God. It's like I'm the only female practically fully clothed in Spira! I mean, I don't prance around like that. I'm just waiting for the day someone rapes one of you two."

"Paine!"

"What? Anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Just let up, Paine." "Right...." I turn and ask Barkeep for another cup of black coffee. My head is pounding. Who was it? Who was it that killed my parents? I down the cup of coffee, and leave Yuna sitting at the bar. I play around with the computer, and find myself on the deck. I go and stand at edge. One big breeze and I was gone....Maybe it'd be better that way. The Gullwings would be better off without me anyway, and I could see my parents once again. I find myself touching my hair. How I wish it was long again. I never thought about how I used to have my hair long until now. My silvery black hair, so long, so soft....Now it was short as ever. I have made so many damn mistakes. I have taken lives, saved lives, but that doesn't stop the guilt that grows within me. I'm just another trouble soul, nothing new, yet nothing old. I look off into the distance. Nothing but sky and clouds. It's such a beautiful view.

I hear something behind me, and I see a dark shadow. Who the fuck is this. Someone always has to ruin the good moments. "Who's there?" They move towards me a bit more. This is pissing me off. I put my hand on my sword, and walk towards them. Getting closer, I find it's a man. A man with silver hair. Could it be? "Baralai?"

"Yeah."

"How did you..."

"Don't worry about that. Remember when we were in the Crimson Squad?"

"No, I don't. I don't remember the massacre and Nooj shooting at us for a goodbye present."

"Good, you remember." I see him smile a bit. "But anyway, when we were all together, I found something....I played it, and I got scared, I didn't want you to know I had found it and not given it to you."

"What?"

"A sphere." He holds out his hand, a red glowing sphere. "It has you in it...." I take the sphere and start walking back to the elevator. I hear him run to catch up and follows me to the bridge.  
"Shinra, play this." I look around. No one in here but Shinra, and Shinra won't say anything. I know he won't, or the little jerk will get his piece of information, maybe on what medicines he'll have to take. He puts it in and, I wait.

_Sphere plays_

"Paine! Lulu! Wake up!" An excited Paine runs down the stairs. She runs to the tree and waits impatiently for Lulu.

"Lulu! C'mon! I wanna open our presents!" Finally, Lulu appears, groggy, tired, and yawning.

"Okay girls, open them up!" Paper was flying everywhere, joyful screams, thank you hugs, every little bit a family would wish to be was found in this sphere.

_Sphere ends here_

"Paine...."

"This was the day before their murder...."

"Murder?" Shinra and Baralai asked at once.

"Nevermind." I take the sphere out of the computer and stare at the wall fixedly. No, I won't cry this time. I won't cry. I won't fucking cry. "I hate memories. All they are is reminders of the happiness that was stolen from you." I take the red sphere and let it drop from my hands. I see it shatter into maybe even a million pieces. This was the way my past was. Shattered, littered through Spira. I look up at Baralai. He looks upset. He looks at me, as he sees a tear slide down my cheek, and I turn away quickly. Shinra is still sitting there, trying to take in and process all this information of me. I start to walk towards the stairs. I want to go back to the deck. I've made up my mind. Mom, dad, be ready, you're little girl is coming to stay with you.

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Disclaimer:No, I do not own any of this, except the story. Geez.  
(P.S.) I don't mind Yuna, I really don't, so please no hate reviews about me hating Yuna. Thanks .  



	4. Your Secret's Safe With Me

I'm mad at myself. I let my inspiration take hold, and God damnit....Stupid mushy crap! Though I know all you Baralai and Paine fans will just love this one! And all readers that think "Why doesn't Yuna just tell Brother to back off?" Will also love this. Hehehe.  
Yuna: You make me sound so mean.  
Me: Well you're better mean.  
Yuna: So? I don't want to be mean in this chapter!  
Me: Too fucking bad  
Rikku: And where am I? C'mon, put me in it!  
Me: God damnit, do you two ever stop complaining?!

* * *

The gentle breeze tries to hold me back. No, I won't let it. I'm not going to sit around here, doing jobs for everyone else, when I myself could be happy. Very happy. It's just so hard sometimes. I mean, I want to be happy, but I want everyone else happy. Half the time I don't even help people. I kill fiends, get them spheres, a few thank yous. I mean, after Yuna finds Tidus, she's leaving the Gullwings. And then Rikku will probably follow her and help with everything, and then Buddy and Brother will do their own thing, Shinra will continue to invent, and I'll be left wandering Spira, with a few gil, my sword, and memories that I'm trying to walk away from. What's the point anymore. I mean, think about it. I have no future. I have no one to love, I have no one to love me, I have nothing.

I put my right foot in front of my left. Well, here goes nothing. I look out to the clouds. The sun is setting, it's getting dark. It seems almost cynical in my eyes, sadistic. Such a beautiful sunset as a Gothic warrior is about to kill herself so she can reunite with her family. Just wonderful. Things always seem to work out like this for me. How interesting. Things always seemed to work this way for me. Cynical, sadistic, so beautiful, yet so pathetic and sad. I let out a small laugh at myself. Hilarious. This was just so fucking funny. I look down, and focus on the objective. I'm going to see my parents, and I don't want to die laughing like a moron. I may want to die, but I'm not insane. I take one big deep breath. "Goodbye." I shut my eyes, and walk off the edge.

I feel a wonderful falling sensation. The adrenaline is kicking in, when I feel a tug, and a warm hand holding mine with all it's strength. Now what? I look up. I see Baralai. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? I don't want to be saved! I don't want this. I just want to go be with my parents! Don't you fucking understand that? God, you always have to get in the way of things, Baralai! Can't you leave well enough alone?"

"This wasn't well enough, Paine, and you know it. God, you're not as stupid as this! You aren't going to see your parents this way, and killing yourself isn't about to bring peace to anyone." He pulls me up. I never realized his strength. "You are being moronic and ignorant, Paine, and don't deny it! Sometimes I wonder how intelligent you really are!"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Someone that cares what happens to you! Are you too blind to see love when it's staring you right in the damn face?" His face was right in front of mine. I saw the pain I had caused him, the hurt, the worry. He had implied that he loved me.

"Maybe I fucking am! Now can't you let me do what I want?"

"Over my dead body!"

"Oh, that could be arranged." I pull out my sword, and get into a fighting stance. "Come on Baralai, or are you scared? You know I can kick your damn ass." The fact is, is that I'm pretty sure it's the other way around, but I'm not about to let him see that, to know that. I'd beaten fiends twice the strength of him, yet they didn't have his agility....Damnit.

"Paine...."

"Come on!" He sphere changes into his warrior outfit. His staff in his hands.

"Don't make me do this." I look at him, I narrow my eyes. I'm about to get the fight started, and I drop my sword. I just can't do this anymore. I can't be tough. God damnit. I feel tears stinging my eyes, burning my cheeks, claiming the Celsius' deck. I fall to my knees, I pound my fists on the deck. This seems so familiar. Like I've done this recently. Through blurred eyes I see Baralai walk towards me. He kneels down and puts his arms around me. Why would he do this. After what I just put him through....Why?

"Baralai?" I am able to spit out. He pulls away from me and looks at me.

"Paine, it's okay. It really is. You don't have to hide your tears from me. Your secrets are safe with me. I trust you, and I hope you can trust me. For the longest time, the world as meant nothing to you, and yet, you mean the world to me. If I had lost you today, I have no idea what I would have done. I wouldn't have been able to take it. Paine....I love you, and I'm sorry, but you can't change that." He pulls me close. What is he talking about? He can't love me. I'm unlovable. I'm doomed to walk alone the rest of my life. He doesn't care, he's lying....I don't know what to do anymore. God....I can't accept some things, and the thought that he loves me just kills me inside. I can't love, I learned not to love. After being a warrior for 16 years, I can't change who I am. I can't go back to the two-year-old everyone wants.

"Baralai, I can't be what you want. I can't be that girlfriend, that wife, that spouse that could share a love filled life. Being a warrior has taught me that disaster can come quick, and go just as easily. I can't let myself love. I'm something you'll never be able to have. Honestly, it's not you, but I can't be that little girl in that Christmas sphere. I can't be that. I can't have the long hair, the cute clothes, I can't be a mother. I can't be apart of a family. I won't let myself ruin someone else's life. I can't let it happen, and once I remember who it was that killed my parents, I'm going to have to dispose of them. I won't let them live. They put me through enough pain, and regardless if they have a family, children, a husband or wife, regardless, I'm going to have to kill, and I don't think I could live with myself after that. The pain will always be with me, and I can't let it go. It's sadly the one thing I've learnt to trust, that has never abandoned me....Don't take that away from me...." I push him away and get up. I wipe my tears, and take my sword. I walk back to the elevator, I turn back once, and see his head in his hands. His tears are melting off my heart.

I walk into the bridge, and find Yuna and Brother in a heated fight.

"What do you mean you don't want Brother?"

"I love Tidus you ass! You're my cousin, we can't be together even if I wanted it!"

"So you want Brother?"

"No! I don't want you. You are a friend, an aquaintance, that's it! Leave me alone!"

"Yuna don't love me?"

"Yuna hates you!" Yuna smacks him and walks over to me.

"Wow Yuna. Maybe you should have been more harsh."

"Oh shut up Pain, what do you know?" She walks away from me. Sadly, I do know....I know what it's like to lose something you love so much, and have others trying to interfere with your pain. Trying to tell you that it'll be okay and you know it won't. How you'd like to see that one, that couple of people that you need the most, and you know you can't. How you want to find them, love them, cry. How you just want to give them a huge hug, be able to say I love you, and be able to say you're happy and believe them. Instead just gritting your teeth as you think about it. Yes Yuna, I knew all about it, and yet you are so obsessed with your own little world, you don't have time to let someone feel your pain. You won't let someone....Damnit. Why did I always have to correct myself after I made mistakes. I look at the elevator.

I walk to Baralai, who is still sitting there. "Baralai?" No answer. I walk in front of him and crouch down. His face is red and puffy. He was crying. Still is. "Baralai? I did some thinking....I'm so sorry...."

"You don't even realize that that's not why I love you! I don't love you for the future we could have! I don't care you don't wear outfits that Yuna and Rikku love! I don't care you wouldn't make a good wife, a great mother! I don't care we wouldn't have a picture perfect family! I love you for you!"

"Can I tell you a secret Baralai?"

"Yes...."

"I love you too." He looks up at me. Smiles.

"Your secret's safe with me."

* * *

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, you've read it all before.  



	5. The Lowest In Life

Wow. Okie, so this one might be a little short. I'm sorry about that. Hrmm, well, I know a few of you will like this chapter, but it's not meant to be liked. It starts out well, but it's just so sad. ((Sobs))  
Yuna-Wow....Imagine if this really happened!  
Rikku-Yeah, what's this whole thing about Barkeep and me? I mean, a hypello?  
Me-((snickers)) Yes....Yes Rikku hehe.

* * *

Baralai left early morning....We had fallen asleep on the Celsius deck. We mostly talked about different things. I told him everything from my past to my present, and he told me his. He was such an amazing person. Even if I'm in love, he's still an amazing person, if people just let him show them that. He had to leave early, had some work to do. I had my first, real kiss this morning, and it was so amazing. His lips against mine, I could feel the warmth of his touch, his embrace, his love for me. It was nothing like I'd ever felt, and I hope that it will be like that forever.

What am I talking about? Forever never lasts....I hear a scream. Oh God, what now? I run to the elevator. I look back at the spot where Baralai and I slept, I smile, knowing I won't be for a while. I hate this feeling. I go to the bridge, and I find Buddy consoling Yuna. She's on her knees, crying. Well, more like sobs and wails. Buddy walks over. "Hey, what was that scream?"  
"Yuna crying...."

"Yeah, what's the deal with her, and where is Rikku? She's always tagging someone around."  
"Rikku is in the cabin....She's wallowing in her depression and pity, Yuna is blaming herself."  
"For what though? Won't you just tell me?"  
"Go down to the boiler room, you'll figure it out pretty quick." I look at him with a questionable look. He nods. I turn around and see Shinra hiding in a corner, muttering something about mechanical ressurection. What the fuck? I tap into the computer, and after what seems like hours, I'm in the boiler room. I look straight ahead, my jaw drops. Oh....Dear....God....I can see why Yuna is blaming herself, but, god damnit. What the fuck was he thinking? I walk down the stairs. What in God's name did he do this for? God he was so messed up! I wonder if Cid knows about it yet. I wonder what he's going to do, say, and what Rikku is doing. Probably getting drunk as hell, if I do say so myself. I guess I would too, if Lulu died. I mean, if Lulu died, I think the rest of my would too....Hrm....

"Brother, what was your motive?" I take my sword and cut him down. He had hung himself. Why did people always choose the most messiest ways to get out of life? I look at this purple-blue strangled face, his lips so blue. His body is stiff and cold. I find a piece of paper crumpled up in his hand. I take it out and read it.

_Yuna_

_I am sorry for trouble I have caused you. I did not mean to hurt you. I love you with all my heart._

_Rikku_

_Bmayca vunkeja sa. E muja oui tayn cecdan. Damm Cid E muja res duu. Tuh'd rumt drec ykyehcd sa. _

_(Please forgive me. I love you dear sister. Tell Cid I love him too. Don't hold this against me.)_

_Paine_

_I don't know you well, but I'm sorry. I'll miss you._

_Brother_

Wow....I was in there? He had more paper in his other hand, but I won't read it. It'll probably be for Buddy and Shinra. I grab that and take the elevator back up to the bridge. I hand Buddy the second piece of the letter, and Yuna the first. She reads it through blurred vision, and breaks down again one the bridge floor. "I'm going to check out how Rikku's doing, you keep comforting Yuna, Buddy." I looked at Shinra, and thought it best to leave him for a while more. He was a child, he might be a genius, but he could still hurt. I took the elevator to the cabin, scared to death, yet confident as ever. I walked in, and saw Rikku talking to Barkeep.

"Ya know, Barkeep, you're pretty damn sexy!"  
"Reeku, pleashe shtop."  
"C'mon you sexy hypello, you. We don't have Brother around anymore. I can do as I like!"  
"Ah, Paine! Pleashe, come sit down. Talk to Reeku, I'll get you shomething, anything!"  
"I'll have a beer, Barkeep." He smiled at me and walked slowly. "Rikku, you have to get a hold of yourself! You can't do this!"  
"You better believe I can! No more annoying Rikku. This is the new and improved me!" She makes insane hand gestures, her shot of liquor spilling everywhere. "And anyway, you're the one that told me to leave you alone, so why not do the same for me? Go away, Paine."  
"Rikku, you can't drink yourself away like this. It's not the right way, and your smart enough to fucking know that!" I take the shot glass out of her prying hands, and smack her hard. She looks at me, tears streaming down her face.

"Oh Paine, I'm so sorry! I just....It's hard! Brother has always been the one there for me. When my father used to do those awful things to me! Paine, you have no idea! Oh Paine!" She came at me hard. She hugged me tightly. This was what it felt like to be sympathetic and compassionate. Oh how I had longed for someone to hold me as Baralai did....Rikku now knew what it was like to lose someone so precious. She knew what it was like for me, Yuna....She knew....I still hope she'll be that little cheerful girl, obsessed with candy. I would miss that Rikku. I would miss seeing the person I secretly longed to be....I hugd her back, listening to her stories until she falls asleep in my arms. I carry her up to a bed, and lay her down. I watch over her for a few more minutes, and leave to go to the bridge. Yuna has finally stopped crying, but all she can do is stare at the wall. Hoping she'll hear his voice telling her it wasn't his fault. Telling her that it was a big joke. I look over, I see Shinra, sobbing. I crouch down.

"Shinra?"  
"Leave me alone."  
"Shinra, it's okay....I'm not here to say you're wrong for crying about someone. It's okay to cry." I hug him, and he holds me tightly. He's just a frightened, shocked child. This was the Shinra I had never seen. The vulnerable, childish side. It hurt me, but made me feel unique that I had gotten to see it. I look at Yuna, she's blank as a toy doll. I finally let Shinra go, and smile at him to let him know he'll be okay. I walk over to Yuna. I don't even speak. I give her a tight, emotional hug, to let her know she wasn't alone. To let her know that she had someone there for her. She pulls away, shocked. I smile.

This was what it was like to feel. To help others, not physically, but mentally. This was what it felt like, to be truly human....This was life at it's lowest, and I smiled. How cynical I always was....I can never fix that. But it's just funny how one can overlook so many things, numb themselves to so many things....I remember feeling like this when my parents died. I could have saved them, I could have tried. Yet I avenged them, and will finish that job. I look into Yuna's red eyes. The glassy reflection of me. I look down at the floor. I start to cry. I pull Yuna into my arms, and we cry.

* * *

Disclaimer:::Yadda, yadda, yadda....I think I'm gonna stop doing this Disclaimer thing hehe. 


	6. Sad but True

Well, it's 12:34 AM, whoa, 1,2,3,4 hehe, anyway. It's late, I'm tired, but I thought it'd be nice to update, since I haven't for a looong time. School....Sick....Evil!  
Yuna: School is good for you!  
Rikku: And being sick gets you out of it!  
Me: Right, like I believe either. I'm not allowed to stay home. ((pouts)) Anyway, here it is, it sucks, I know. And I'm not even sure Besaid is correct....I'll fix it later if it's wrong.

* * *

I stare at the ceiling. Yesterday was long, emotional, and my eyes hurt. The tears that came out of them were like knives, slicing at the edges of my eyes. It hurts to open them, it hurts to close them, it hurts to move them. They say crying is always a good thing, but I guess that's either a lie, or like an experation date; only good until it expires. I haven't talked to Baralai yet, not that it matters I guess. He's a busy man, and I'm a busy woman. I mean, chasing down spheres for Yuna, comforting her, getting Rikku to act like a girl, let alone human again, and helping Shinra....God I'm a busy person. I demand vacation.

I turn to my side, I see Yuna thrashing in her bed. It's best not to wake her. She has to fight her own battles on the inside, and when she sleeps, she can't ignore them, and I know that; I've tried it. You can escape every battle only so long, and then they come to find you. Somedays you're brave, you look for them, but they know when you cower and hide, and they know they can beat you that way. The sun hurts my eyes, though it's hard to believe they can feel more pain. Yuna has to realize that she has some issues. She never talks about Braska, nor her mother, and I wonder why sometimes. Of course, I never ask, it's not my business, just as I liked how she never questioned me about my parents.

I sit up. I look around for Rikku, yet I don't see her. "Rikku?" I whisper, yet no reply. "Rikku?" I ask a bit louder, yet still nothing. Where the fuck is she? I drag myself away from the bed, the

warm covers that cushion and wrap me in a place so safe, almost as safe as Baralai's arms. I pull myself down the stairs. I see Barkeep wiping the counter. "Have you seen Rikku?"  
"No Paine. I have not sheen Reeku in while. Yoo go look for her?"

"I think I may." I growl, and turn towards the elevator. I tap in the bridge. I walk in, and there is Rikku. I narrow my eyes. I look at her on the floor. "Rikku, may I ask why you are on the floor?"  
  
"I thought it'd be nice to look at the ceiling."  
  
"Oh God, did you pass out?"  
  
"I dunno, Paine! One minute I'm dancing, the next I'm staring at the ceilng."  
  
"Right then. Buddy around?"  
  
"No, sleeping."  
  
"And Shi..."  
  
"Sleeping."  
  
"Oh...."

"Yunie? Where's Yunie?"  
  
"Rikku, just call her Yuna, God you're immature sometimes."  
  
"Nice to see the old, cold, Paine back, yet I think I may miss that sentimental girl that took over."  
  
"Shut up Rikku. That better be the alcohol that's left in your system talking, or you're dead."  
  
"Oh, I'm scared, Paine, I mean, really! How many times have you said that, and it's never happened!"  
  
"But it could...."  
  
"Fine then. It wasn't the alcohol! It was me, totally!"  
  
"Fine, lets see who wins this." I pull out my sword. Stupid twerp isn't going to win this one. Hell no. She may have the agility, but that's just because her clothes are so fucking tight that they don't slow her body down. I smirk. Rikku just smiles. What the fuck? All of a sudden, I feel a sharp pain in my stomach. The bitch just head-butted me! I glare at her, she smiles. I drop my sword and jump on her. I punch her in the face hard, she screams, and then tries to get me off of her.

"Can't you two be a little considerate of other people? I mean, really you guys! You act like children sometimes!" I stop pulling Rikku's hair, she stops trying to slap me, and we both look and see Yuna. At least I don't have my heart set on some stupid jock that probably won't ever come back. I let go of Rikku and shrug.

"Say what you want." I walk past her, and sit on the stairs. She has gone through a hard time, but she can leave me the fuck alone. That's how Rikku and I get along, and if Yuna doesn't like it, she can go fucking shove it. I look out the window, and see that we have landed in Besaid. This is fantastic. This gives me time to see Lulu, Wakka, and their baby! I don't care much for the whole family sense, but it's nice to see someone I have trusted all these years, even if no one knows we're related. It's nice to know I have someone that's there for me, that would never betray me. Lulu is the only thing I can count on. Sad, but true.


	7. The Worst Pain Ever

I'm soooo sorry for the long wait, if I do have any fans that is...Hehe....Anyway....Here's something....  
  
ATTENTION: Confusion!!!!!!--Some of you have had a bit of confusion. A few of you are thinking "Why is Paine going to see Lulu? I thought she knew" If you read back, waaay back, you can find that she got drunk....Very....Drunk hehe. Anyway, considering she got painfully drunk, and then passed out, she forgot, and the sphere is now gone....It sorta....Went off the Celsius deck while she was err, passed , yes.....  
  
Yuna-I sound so stupid in this. I'm not an airhead....I'm KNOT!  
Me-Riiiight....  
Rikku-Candy...Candy...Candy...Candy...Oooo! TEDDYBEARS!  
Me-Rikku, what is your attention span?  
Rikku-Oh, I have a very good attent----Oooo! A BUTTERFLY!  
Me-...Just what I thought....

* * *

I step out onto the grass. The smell of the island wakes me up more. I yawn. I can't wait to see Lulu. I haven't seen her in such a long time. The breeze gently lifts my hair. I shake my head and anxiously look for Rikku and Yuna. I turn and look back. Screw this, I'm not going to wait for them. I start to walk and hear the insistant complaints of Rikku's whiney voice. Yuna is jumping up and down. She wants to see Wakka and Lulu, and their littlest, and newest addition. I could care less, I just want to see Lulu. I hate going to family things, just reminds me I don't have one. 

"Hey Paine! Wait up!"

"Well why not hurry up?" I slow my pace and wait for them to catch up. God, sometimes I wonder why I bother with these teenage "I'm still pathetically into stuffed animals, pink, tight clothing, and want to find the love of my life" mode. Hopefully my sister can tell me a few things about our family, and then I'm leaving the Gullwings. It took so much time to decide over, but I want to be away from this, I want to be with Baralai, and I can't do that when I'm with the Gullwings. It's a lot easier this way. They aren't losing anyone special, and besides, I can't deal with all the commotion this brings along. I've travelled, and now all I want to do is be with Baralai and avenge my parents.

I look ahead, and notice the huts coming into focus. My heart leaps, only to find a wall. Why....Why do I feel as if I'm meeting my doom. What is my heart, my mind, my soul, trying to tell me? Damnit, why the fuck did I have to forget who killed my parents. What the hell am I trying to tell myself. I can't fucking remember.

"Paine? What's wrong...?"  
  
"Oh, nothing....I'm fine." I walk ahead further and see Lulu coming out of a hut. Again, my heart leaps for excitement, only to be hit again against a wall. Screw it, I'll ignore it.

"Yuna, Rikku...Paine, I'm happy to see you. Wakka is inside, you three can go visit if you like."  
  
"Okay! Yay, Yunie, lets go!" They start to run off.  
  
"You coming, Paine?" Yuna asks.

"I need to talk to Lulu about something first. I'll be there soon." Yuna looks at me questioningly, and turns back and runs toward the hut.  
  
"Yes Paine?"  
  
"What happened to our parents...." Her eyes widen. She looks at me with surprise, then goes back to her more gentle, if you can call it that, face.  
  
"Why would you like to know?"  
  
"I'm going to go thank them for ruining my life, in my own special way." I smile a bit.  
  
"Paine, no....Don't do this...."  
  
"You have the information, now tell me who did it!"  
  
"No, I won't tell you. I can't let you know."  
  
"Why not....What's so wrong about it?"  
  
"Because if I tell you, it will crush you."  
  
"Who...."  
  
"Fine....But believe me, you won't like this. The person that ordered those men to kill our parents, was Baralai's father."  
  
"You lie...."  
  
"I swear on my soul, I'm not lying." I look away, tears filling my crimson eyes. I knew something would happen. I knew something like this would happen. Would ruin everything....I can't help but feel it's not true, but it's Lulu, why would she lie to me? Why would she make me want to hate the only person I loved? She knows about Baralai and I, I wrote to her secretly, as I have for so long, yet it never accured to me to ask her....Yet now I have, I wish I never had....I turn around and walk away, whiping tears from my eyes. Lulu calls for me, but I ignore her. I don't think I will ever feel a pain worse than love....

* * *

Disclaimer:Only plot, nothing else.  
----Also, So sorry again for the long weight. School...sucks hehehe. I also apologize for it being so small, I will work for a longer one!!!!---- 


	8. Crying in the Rain

Hello all! I tried to make it a lil' bigger this time, but I'm really saving up for the next chapter. Next chapter is going to have so many memories, I just have to think of a few. I think this story may be over by chapt. 10, so there isn't much left to go! I believe after I'm done this story, I may write a story about Shuyin and Lenne....Probably how they met, their last dying words, who knows. Tell me what you guys think, 'kay? Anyway, I have a day off school, so here we are, another update.

* * *

I wipe the tears from my eyes. I lay my note on the table quietly. I step over the sleeping bodies, trying not to make any noise. The stars watch me as I run away quietly from the hut. I make no noise, exactly like a warrior. I look at the stars, and they promise to keep watch over them, over me, and to keep my secrets. I stare blindly at the path to the temple. I would go and pray, but there's just no use anymore. I have to kill the one I love, the only one that has ever shown interest in my feelings, my thoughts, my wishes....The only one for me. The sky is black, the stars give off little light, and the moon looks so pale and sick. I look so pale and sick. These crimson eyes of mine have seen too much, and after I kill Baralai, I won't be able to see at all....I've made my decision. If Baralai must die, than so shall I. After I have killed the only thing I'm staying alive for now, I shall kill myself with my father's sword. The stars whisper their thoughts, telling me not to go through with it, yet I don't listen, not now....The stars never cared how I felt before, why should they care now? 

A thin sliver of light is coming over the horizon. Dawn is setting in. The sand is hard to walk in, yet I'm here, I'm at the dock. The ship will be here, and I'll pay my way to Bevelle. "Miss, that'll be 100 gil" I sigh. That's all I have....It'll get me to Bevelle though, and all I need are some fiends, everything will be okay. Life will be okay....I'll be with Baralai for the last moments in my life, what I wanted, so how can this be such a bad thing? How can this be so hard? It isn't....

I look off the deck of the ship, the waves rattling on. The blue-green salty waves that never stop flowing. I never noticed how much it was like love. So beautiful, so unconditional, always there, always flowing....Yet how it can drown you, swallow you whole and never let you go, never let you say goodbye. Well it won't do it to me, I'm saying goodbye, I will. I will be able to let go._ 'If you can let go, then why are planning on suicide after your homicide of Baralai?'_ I jump. What the fuck.... '_You can't let go. Stay away from Baralai, he didn't do anything.'_ I look around, yet the ship's deck is deserted. What the fuck is this. Don't tell me I'm going crazy. '_You aren't. Just listen. Baralai is not the one you want to kill. He is not the one you have to kill to avenge your parents. Remember, Paine. Stop blocking out your memories. You know who it is, you know it! Stop fooling yourself. Admit it!' _There's nothing to admit. I don't know who kill my damn parents. Give it up already. '_Oh, but you do. Remember Paine, remember! Don't be such a foolish little girl. For once, let go of the image, let go of the tortured soul you have, and just remember. Look deep into the past, look! It'll hurt, but you must remember. Remember!' _

I look back out at the sky, then walk into the ship. I'm not going to take this. "Sir, do you have anything to help me sleep? I'm having trouble."  
  
"Yes miss, here you go." He places two turquoise pills in my hand. I swallow them down with water, and walk to my cabin. The walls are moving, the room is moving all around me. Everything is moving. I'm just so dizzy. I can't think anymore....What did that guy give me. I look at the floor, trying to keep myself steady. I stumble towards the bed and reach for it....

"Lady, lady, wake up, c'mon miss, it's docking time." I open my eyes, and see the captain.  
  
"Wha...what?"

"The boat has docked, c'mon miss, it's time to get off."  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"Bevelle." I sit up. I look around. We are in Bevelle. I stand up awkwardly, and get my sword.  
  
"Thank you, captain."  
  
"It's not problem, miss." I walk through the maze of corridors and finally get to the docks. I walk into the crowd of people, and have to push my way through. I hear curses and wails, and tears of loved ones leaving. So sad....I ask someone for the time, it's around noon. I look ahead, and see where Baralai is working. It will take all day to walk there....I shake my head and start on my journey. People stare at my unfamiliar clothing, as I scowl at their practically nothing outfits. The sun feels as if it's going to dry out my skin. The tears I cried earlier are being taken from me, just as everything else is.

The sky is again dark. The pitch black sky. No stars, no moon, nothing. I see his office light on. I walk towards the building. It's been raining continuously. I'm drenched. I keep walking. The guards let me pass, they know who I am, I'm sure Baralai had informed them to always let me come and go. I begin to cry. I walk up the many steps to his office, the light pours through the the space around the door. I hear the clicking of his pen, his breathing. I walk towards the door, and hold onto the warm doorknob. I don't like this. I open the door, he looks up at me. "Paine! What's wrong?" I look at the floor. _'Paine, don't do this. Remember! Just remember! Please, do not do this, you will only be hurt more. Don't kill him Paine, you know what you need to, you just won't unlock it. Stop it, Paine....**Stop it!** Just walk away. Tell him everything. Remember Paine, remember your past! Remember damnit! **Remember!**' _

I like crying in the rain, for no one knows I'm hurting...." I look at him. I feel an inner peace coming on. I feel myself beginning to fall. I can hear him calling, yet I can't speak....I'm in a world of nothing.

* * *

Now for a big thanks!!!!  
  
sdreamz-Thank you so much for your encouragement throughout these chapters, it's nice to see your replies and it keeps me writing.  
  
Paine-171229--Thanks for your encouragement also. The chapter just isn't the same without your reply. They make me feel as if I'm doing a good job.  
  
yuuhi amano-Thanks for your replies also. You're very observant and catch a lot of the lil' things I add in there, thanks a bunch!  
  
Angel Taisha-. Thanks so much. It's nice to know that you like the emotions I put into this story.  
  
Flaming Soul-It's nice to see that you're asking questions about my work. It gives me a lot of ideas, and lets me know that my work gets people thinking, so thank you!  
  
Serenity's Blaim-Why should I thank you :Þ I could just go over to your house and say thanks hehe. Anyway, thanks, nice to know you read something of mine :Þ Hehe  
  
Jetbunny-I liked your reply. You write Paine so well, and seeing your comment made me proud of my story .  
  
Uri-chan-You were my first reply, and made me so happy to get a reply. Thanks!!!  
  
Anonymous ppls-Thanks for reading my story, I hope you still read it, and see this! You guys rock!  
  
There we go. Thanks to EVERYONE! ((huge hugs)) You guys totally rock, thanks so much for the replies, they are awesome!!!! 


	9. The Promise

* * *

My, my, my. I have so much catching up to do! Being sick does help! Anyway.....  
Baralai:Wow, you make me so....me.  
Me:I know ((blushes))  
Baralai:You're an amazing writer  
Me: ((fans herself)) Why thank you....  
Baralai:I love you....  
!!! I only wish....v.v;!!! Hehe

* * *

I wake to sun pouring on my face. I see Baralai in the chair beside me, asleep. How long have I been gone? I try to move, but I can't. I don't have the energy. My fussing makes Baralai wake up. "Paine! My God, you're okay!" He comes over and hugs me, and I feel serenity within me. "Wow, you really scared me. You've been out cold for more than five hours. How did you get here? You have no gil on you!"  
  
"I walked...."  
  
"Were you trying to kill yourself or something? That's too much walking for such a shortened journey!"  
  
"Don't tell me what to do. I have to ask you a question."  
  
"Okay, ask away."  
  
"Did you know my parents?"  
  
"Why, yeah. I'm pretty sure. My dad was good friends with them."  
  
"Do you know how they died?"  
  
"I heard from my father and his men. They were talking in the conferance room, why?" _'Paine, don't do it. Please, just keep asking questions. Just hear him out!'_ I look at him.

"Who killed them...."  
  
"I don't know...." I look at him, I glare at him, and I can see that he doesn't know, but how do I know he isn't lying?  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah....Why?"  
  
"Because....Lulu told me your father killed my parents."  
  
"....What?"  
  
"She said your father killed my parents." He looks at me, and he lowers his head. I slide off the bed, and get my sword. I walk over to him, and put it close to his neck. "Tell me the truth. Did your father kill my fucking parents?"  
  
"No, God damnit!"  
  
"Well then tell me who fucking did!"  
  
"Look, all I know is that your parents worked for my father. As spies. They loved you very much, and there is only one other thing that I know, and that is that Lulu is your sister. I don't know why she would lead you on such a wild goose chase, but that's what she did. My father loved your parents as if they were his own brother and sister. He wouldn't have done anything to hurt them, especially you. Don't you ever remember playing with me? Don't you remember our promise?"  
  
"What promise...."  
  
"Here." He threw a sphere towards me. "I taped it, watch it, you might remember." I caught it, and looked at it's rosey colour glowing in my hands. "I love you Paine, never forget that. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, ever." He left the room, and I put the sphere in the sphere player. I look at the screen.  
  
_Sphere plays here _

"Paine, we're gonna always remember this, 'kay?" said a much younger Baralai. A smile was radiating off his face.  
  
"You better believe it, Lai!" A much happier Paine looked at her best friend.  
  
"Would you be scared if I told you I liked you?"  
  
"I guess not, Lai. Why?" Baralai leaned over and pecked her on the cheek. Paine's cheeks became hot and flushed. She smiled, and pecked him on the cheek back. "Lai, promise me you'll always protect me....Promise me you'll always love me.  
  
"I promise Paine."

_Sphere ends here _

I look at the fuzzy screen through tear filled eyes. I remember that day. I remember Baralai now, and how I used to call him Lai for short. I remember that day clearly now. How could my sister have said that? _'Paine, remember now. You've unlocked a bit, you just have to remember. Please, just do this for your own health. You need this. Don't stop remembering. Keep going.'_ I also remember how Lulu and my parents would get into fight. Long, big ones, about nothing. I remember how she would look at them, her crimson eyes full of hatred. I all of a sudden see the flashback of the sphere I watched on the Celsius. Oh my God, it was Lulu! Lulu did this to my parents! Our parents! How could she have killed them? I loved them....She would hurt me, lie to me, and even try to get me to kill the only one I love, and still say she was my sister, still say she loved me, and not ever feel guilty? The fucking wench.

Looking out the window at the rain, I pull on my boots. I walk out of the room. I go to Baralai, and give him a hug and a passionate kiss. "I gotta go. I have some business to take care of. I'll be back sometime. Love you, Lai." I see him smile, and I smile back. I run out of the room, and out the building. I run and run. I don't even know where I'm going. I trip, and fall. The rain feels cool on my skin, but also feels like acid. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I love Lulu. She lied, she's killed, she's taken everything away from me, but she's in my blood. She'll always be in me. I hate that. I stare at the dirt. The rain falls more. I can't run, I can't move. I have no energy. I feel faint, yet I still move with all my might. I pull myself up from the ground. "Mom, Dad, I'm going to avenge you. No longer will your murderer run free. She will be taken down!" I'm fuelled by hatred, and I can feel my eyes burning against the rain. I start to run again, through the pounding rain. _'I told you to remember Paine. Now run. Run as far as you can, get as close as possible as you can to her. You have to go there and make it as if you don't know, then catch her off guard. There will be a lot of explaining to Yuna and Rikku...' _Screw them. I don't have to explain anything to them. _'...But it will be okay. Just explain it was clearly as possible, but you must defeat her. She must be brought down.' _No really?

I look towards the docks. No ships. Fuck, I just remembered I have no damn gil. I go to open my purse, and find 25 000 gil. I take out a note. "Paine, I know you will need this on your journey. I hope you feel well, and that whatever problem you are dealing with, it's dealt with. I love you, Baralai." I smile, and sit under a stand for some shelter. I'll just wait for a boat for the morning. Won't take too long, I suppose. I look at the starless night again, and close my eyes. The rain pelts down on my face, and I let the melancholy of the night take me in. My eyes start to droop and slowly everything falls out of focus.

* * *

Disclaimer: ((mumbles something about a massacre for all the idiots that need to read the disclaimer to figure out she does not own Final Fantasy)) 


	10. The Ending Finalized

Me-((sighs)) Last chapter! ((sobs)) I hope you liked it! I think I may go off into FF8 territory, Angel Sanctuary of course, and I think I may post a Lenne and Shuyin story. Still thinking about it. Sorry sorry sorry for the long wait!   
Yuna-How could you end it like that?   
Rikku-YEAH!   
Me-'Cause I'm a cynical bitch, live with it. See you all on a later day I guess!

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"Anyone else? Anyone else?" I wake to a man yelling. I see the boat. I get up and run quickly. 

"Sir! I need a ride!" 

"Where to miss?" 

"Besaid Island!" 

"Can do. That'll be 150 gil." I hand him 150, along with a few gil more. He has to live his life doing this. I walk onto the ship, ignoring his calls that I gave him too much money. I walk to the part of the deck where no one is standing. They're all trying to take pictures of their family members. I stare over the railing, and watch the water turn. For some reason water fascinates me. I watched the white foam be licked up by the dark shadows that surfaced. The waves tumbled across the surface, looking like a beautiful dance. Wait. What the fuck am I talking about? Where is all this dancing shit coming from? I look back at the deck, and I feel dizzy. _'Paine, find me! Follow me. Please, don't leave me here all alone!' _What? What the fuck? Who's there?" I see something run quickly in front of me. What is going on here? I turn back to the sea, dizzier than before. _'Paine! Please, don't leave me like this. I'm crying. I'm scared, I'm lonely. Paine, please....'_ I look around. I see something run in front of me again. I decide to follow it. I walk swiftly, almost jogging after the colours I see once in a while. I have no idea why I'm doing this. I'm going crazy, I'm going insane. I walk into a dark corridor. The only light is through the doorway. '_Paine, hurry. It hurts! It hurts so bad!' _I start to run. This is getting annoying, and is creeping me out. I run into a room. There's a little light in here. I look in the corner. I hear a gasp escape me. Sitting there is a little girl, crying. "Ar...are you okay?" She looks up at me. I turn away quickly.

'_Paine, don't leave, it hurts. Love me, let me out, please, don't leave me here. You forgot about me for 16 years....Don't....Never again....'_

"Just go away! I'm not you anymore!" 

'_Let me hurt her! I want to make her feel so bad....I want revenge. Give me that!'_

"I am! Just....Just go away!" I looked at the long haired version of me. The three year old. I turned around and walked away. I was going crazy. Plain and simple, plain and fucking crazy. I won't let this bother me much longer. Hell no. This was going to just stop. Once and for all. I walk up to a passenger. "How much longer until Besaid?"

"Ai, well I can see it from here, maybe thirty minutes or so? Ai, I have no idea." I tilt my head, confused, and walk away. I stare at Besaid, and I can feel the anger rising within me, but I can feel the pain. How can I kill my sister? I'm so nervous, I'm so scared.... I don't want to do this alone. I need Baralai, I need Yuna, I need Rikku.... Why must I always face these things alone? I sigh as I close my eyes and listen to the waves and the choppy sentences I hear as people walk by. I hear some yelling and look up. We're in Besaid. I walk off the boat, and look around. It's so familiar, yet it feels so strange. It's like I'm a stranger here. I slowly walk through the beach, and I feel as if I'm going to melt on this very sand. The pain within my heart is something that I don't think many could ever know. The sun beats down on me, no clouds in the sky.... As I finally reach the bridge trail, I sit down and stare at the waterfall.

I have a lot of thinking to do. I have to map out everything that happened. My parents were killed by my sister, who at that time, had a large amount of followers. Though I still have no damn idea what was going through her fucking mind, she killed our parents and many others. I found that out because some idiot taped a meeting, maybe others on a sphere, I saw it, got piss drunk because of my sister, lost it, and forgot. She then lied to my face, tried to get me to kill the only person I really love. Now tell me how she doesn't deserve to die? Oh, right, respect, she's a relative, she is human, she deserves to live. The fucking witch deserves nothing more than a damn knife in her back, and I intend to have my sword in place of that knife. I get up and begin to walk towards the village. As I walk in, Lulu hurries to me.

"Paine? Are you okay?" I play along. 

"Yeah, I guess. I'm used to killing people I love." I narrow my eyes at her. She doesn't notice. 

"Come inside, I love you at least." I can't take it any longer. 

"Like fucking hell you do!" 

"Paine!" 

"You killed our parents, I saw the damn sphere where you ordered it. You fucking bitch! No, I didn't kill Baralai, I came to pay our parent's debt. To finally make things right. I don't care who you are, sister or not, you killed my parents, you made me love you, and now, you'll die for it." I see Yuna, Rikku, Shinra, Buddy, Wakka and the baby, and many villagers staring at us. 

"So what if I did? They never loved us!" 

"Sure they didn't. Like the Christmas sphere? I know you saw it. They loved us more than ever, but you just couldn't love them." 

"Can't love something that hated you." 

"You just can't fucking give up." I take out my sword, my father's sword, and run towards her. She uses some magic, but that's not about to stop me. I hit her against the waist, and she falls to the ground, a slit down the side of her waist. _'It's now or never, Paine. What are you going to choose?'_ Lulu is looking up at me, begging me to let her go, to let her live. I take my sword, and plunge it through her heart. I hear the bone cracking, the muscle being ripped, and I know everyone is flinching and closing their eyes. I smirk. "Home is where the heart is...."


End file.
